How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
