He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
