Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
