matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize