From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
