You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
And then he peed in my hair
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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