A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
