I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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