Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
