I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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