I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I pour the whiskey from now on
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
