At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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