Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
