All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
