Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
