Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
