Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize