Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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