so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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