we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
