i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
