You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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