I checked into jail on foursquare
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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