You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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