The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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