i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
