he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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