I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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