The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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