sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
