Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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