Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
