Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
