He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize