I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
