Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
