I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
