you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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