i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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