I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
