This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
