someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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