just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
