Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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