just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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