Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I will pee on everything he values.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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