do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
