You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
