she woke up with a sticky ear
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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