I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
