I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
