I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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