then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
