Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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