listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
