So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Randomize
