You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
