ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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