may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
