i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
