Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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