hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
