God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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