ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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