its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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