My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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