You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Randomize
